And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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