R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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