it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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