This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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