I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
