hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
