He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
