In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
