Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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