Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
