I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
