i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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