do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
