You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
