Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
