I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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