if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
