We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
