he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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