Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
