i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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