I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
