When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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