The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
