And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
