walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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