Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
