It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
