so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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