So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
