dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
