how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
