i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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