that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
