I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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