glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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