did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i love accidental penises.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize