Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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