"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
