OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i dont even know how to be here
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
