im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
