Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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