who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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