i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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