you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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