would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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