I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
