You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
