he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
