Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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