I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
