so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
