My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
