Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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