I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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