Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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