Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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