You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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