I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
