3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish my penis had an off switch
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
