Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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