I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
