just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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