Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
