Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
