operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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