As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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