Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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