I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
