his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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